by Mr. Football
Well team, football season is over and this super bowl fan had an awesome time. Mr. Football is going into hibernation. Until next year, this is Mr. Football saying good night and good pizza.
This video is freakin’ awesome.
Excuse me, I have some work to do.
Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven
by Mr. Football
“We are not doing it.”
Chica babe, what are you talking about, we are contractually obligated to do all night long after you put on your Mack daddy makeup. So let’s just kiss and make up and get that box of Franza, pick up a few bags of Totinos, and put on the DMX CD. I’m talking an overtime work out — and I’m going for that two-point conversion — and … IT’S GOOD. I’M GOING TO DISNEYLAND.
Go daddy, you always leave me hanging.
I mean, I have to visit your website just to bust a quick nut?
Rating: 30 Seconds of has anyone seen my DMX CD?
by Mr. Football
These cars are talking about having sex and there talking about Tina’s topless MAMBAS. I am filled with questions about what Tina looks like topless. I’m sure it’s just like candy. MAMBA daddy goes ay ay, Mammacita. Remember what Mr. Football says? You got it right.
Daddy wants it and daddy needs it. PEPSI MAXX.
Rating: 30 Seconds of Maxim Magazine
by Mr. Football
Serryously, I’m freakin’ POed that the Cow Girls are tardy for game time. Prolly their just makin’ out back in there locker room. They’re job is to be on the field on time because that is they’re job and that is what their paid to do. Hello, duh.
Maybe their i the locker room gicking it out. After that maybe wet N wild in the shower for soapy time? I am filled with questions.
And no, I’m not still filled with questions after the wrestling team deliberations. I mean, what the fuck, I didn’t make the freakin’ team so I just think the coach is a wimp and he was afraid of my boppin’ him in the nose of freakin smearing him with one of my golden signature knuckle sandwiches. I’M TALKING FOOT LONG.
This is racism. Seriously, I’m calling the cops.
Rating: 30 seconds of hell.
by Mr. Football
Now just because my name is Mr. Football does not mean that the team did not call me Mr. Pizza during my Freshman year. I ATE SO MUCH PIZZA, I HAD TO GEAR UP FOR TRAINING CAMP. Coach said ate pizza and lots of it. What are you looking at? You gotta problemo, Paco? What chaco? U looking at me?
Football > your geek club
Anyway, these GoDaddy commercials are awesome. I mean, I often call my pizza lunch awesome and I usually awesome is the only adjective I use to describe anything life has to offer.
WAH WOOMBA. AY PAPPY, CHECK OUT THE JONGAS ON THE HOT MAMMA. Some serious tigs, y-ell-o, operating, please connect me to those awesome rack of congas. Seriously, I’m stoked. I GOT A FEELING THAT TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A GOOD NIGHT.
Wowee. Some serious bazookas and daddy wants it and daddy needs it. WAH WOOMBA. AY AY, AY AY PAPPY, me bad a bad boy. Give me spankings — after practice, of course. AY AY hot bazooka momma come watch me practice and thereafter we can get jiggy in the hot tub and buy some freakin awesome domain names using only your JONGAS. HOT HOT, 911 WARNING: VERY HOT YA-YAS.
Rating: 30 seconds of awesome.
by Mr. Football
Sup Mr. Losers, this is Mr. Football, and I’am going open a can of whoop-ass on you’re tooosh, using yo’ure ass as the can opening, you little wimps.
Now, many dudes like myself like checkin’ phacebook for status feeds, live updates, and creeping a lil sneak peeak at and up the cheerleader squads’ mini-skirts. I’m all like, “Pull your minis up.” “Babe, come’on, pull that mini up for Mr. Football.” Then I’m like, “I swear, babers, I’m Mr. Football, but my middle name is Mr. Sincere.”
Albeit, this wimp makes me POed: I mean, this wimp scores the Touch Down on his first date, but totally biffs on the xtra point. He and his namby-pamby car have some stupid facebook super computer installed and that just reminds me of the damn contemplative endings of Doogie Howser MD., when he writes in that freakin’ computer journal. That is some lame, I WANT SURGE.
Real men check there Facebook status for hot chicks, but real men wait until after practice.
Rating: 30 seconds of wimp stew.
… through this hell. Raise your vibration to a different frequency to transcend these crumby commercials. Gotta get that boom boom boom
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
We’ve uploaded several free football clip art images for you. To download any of the clipart, simply click on the image you want, then right click, and “Save Image As” to your computer. Downloading our football clipart is as easy as that. Enjoy.
by kim jung il lation
RULES FOR THIS POST: Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored and pleased to present to you, the UNNAMED COCA COLA / SPEEDWAY SIGNERS. select one audio track below before reading my special holiday review. I own many compaq diks. Ding dong.
Each provide different yet intimate setting to this special holdiay review.
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Warriors! Come out and play. I bring the gong and you bring the sleigh. Let us put down our weapons, let us put down our doubts, let us put down the fear street paperback novels, and let us put on our plush-spa robes and visit SYBARIS for plush-spa robes and holiday treats. Anything by author R.L. Stine sitting under the tree is a holiday treat.
Sing We Now of Plush Spa Robes. Yes, believe me when I say, I spake of the coming of plush-spa robes long, long ago. Aye, yes, I will dust off these ancient Sybaris glyphs and tell you the story of the Sybaris, where there is a golden shower, a water slide, and how do you say, fountain with water. Cookies and kingdoms from the wise men far, bearing ancient treasure, tiny metal ancient die-cast metal car.
Sing we noel. Sing we now of plush spa robe, sing we now of the golden steam showers at Sybaris.
Blessings on the O COME! O COME! O COME emmaunuel. Music to my hears. I love those cool cats, whattaya call e,? The battery pack? Big in the prohibition, sorry I’m not good with American history of pop culture.
Yes, the story is as goes: in the land of the red, the white and the blue lotus, there will rise a rise an island getaway that is indoors. Many’d said this is not possible, as I use urban dictionary, I learn of Sybaris there are cool tools, complete with no rules, with water slide and many brass accessories.
This opportunity sells itself. I can seal the deal with two words: water side.
Make a splash. The water slide is the selling point of this hot deal. Getting hot in there will only get hotter once you get the plush spa robe involved.
Vut we all secretly know the water bed is the X-factor. Hopefully they have than a baker’s dozen hot and heated waterbeds in my Sybaris room, because I know how to party. Put it in there, right there, get that robe, and I will be signing O HOLY NIGHT on your scratch pad.
My spirit tell me if you’re enjoying a splash in the indoor pool, no worries, just jump in the hot tub and heat it up. Torn up, torn to pieces, apart the dial a bit and gets those jets dialt up, get it hot n steamy for you at that night of specialty. Very special times I write of.
I sincerely promise with all my heart that mountain legend has it that the plush spa robe carry many a special power. It carry the innate ability to build a special room duplicate to the finest sweets at sybaris. Firstly, think of how happy puppy make my country, North Korea. Secondly, get me a big bowl of rice for me and my country, and a Sybaris Plush Spa robe, and I am inviting you over to the milk and cookies, PRONTO. Put that in your Mountain Book and publish it.
Angels, we have heard on high the triumph of Plush Spa robe and the hope it will bring to our lovely Earth. Can’t we all just be friends? You know, I have a warm heart, too, and Mr Kim want to share it with you, Gloria! Wisconsin women have pretty voice.
ILLATIONS:
Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven
Special note: special thanks to HAL on this special commercial. : )
Really, fuck you. Once again, I am faced with an ad that I truly hate. It actually makes me angry. (What the hell does that say about me as a person? Pretty much the most petty human on the planet, Amiright?)
My hatred is made worse by the fact that other people actually like it. It’s pretty popular and it’s been effective. So, the “takeaway” here is that this reviewer is totally out of touch and you really ought not listen to him when he rates this one emphatically as:
30 Seconds of Hell
Especially if you own a Mercedes Benz. Who cares if your wife is cheating on you? You’re cheating on her too. With the magic of all-wheel drive, you can fuck whoever, you know?
Anyway, this is clever in a kind of “Gift of the Magi” way, even if it does suggest that our society is just about as morally bankrupt as everyone already knows it is. Yep, just a couple of people cheating on their spouses, which TV viewer, is exactly what you should aspire to do, drive a big car and fuck someone who isn’t your wife.
Oh well, 30 Seconds of Heaven.
