I can’t remember the last time I saw a Chrysler ad or product that wasn’t horrible. With this new spot from the venerable Wieden + Kennedy, they have reached a new low. It’s 2 minutes of just totally incomprehensible bullshit.
I really hope Fiat can turn this ship around and sell some Alfa Romeos in process.
Chrysler used to make this, now they specialize in making me want to vomit.
So, your ol’ pal Comrade Teargaskov’s been away for a while. Yep, fightin’ in them culture wars has taken me away from the ‘puter for a spell, but I’m back.
One of our chief allies in this here war, and it is a war mind you, is Dale Peterson. He’s old school conservatism mixed with the quick cuts popularized by the Music Television in the 1980s. He has a gun and he has a plan for Alabama. Elect this fella. Facebook.
Thanks to Wonkette for tipping me off to this wonderful ad.
NOTE: THIS AD IS SO GOOD THAT IT MAY BE WIDER THAN OUR THEME ALLOWS IN SOME BROWSERS. DEAL WITH IT, HIPPIE.
Sometimes you need to take a break from television commercial reviews, simply because you are overwhelmed by how much you love to be sick by television.
Official Synopsis from the Ad Agency: What do you get when you combine a classic hit, unforgettable choreography and first-rate comedic talent? You get Turn the Tub Around, a multi-faceted musical campaign for I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!® that showcases fresh butter taste the healthier way. The campaign stars the multi-talented Emmy® and SAG-award winning actress Megan Mullally and features song and dance videos choreographed by Tyce Diorio.
This is one of those appalling commercials that, when it appears on t.v., will melt your ears off like candle wax. Boy, it sure did butcher that Gloria Estefan song.
Let us take time to acknowledge Tyce Diorio’s masterful choreography. A spin-ful duet-ing tangle. Watch this spot five plus times and you might start appreciating the choreography.
We may be breaking our rules here; however, this is one dandy television infomercial. This guy is frivolous:
He wears a white buttoned all the way to the tippy-top!
His maniacal laugh.
16 seconds in, we hear him fall off his car whilst off-screen. (Whilst, whilst, whilst, whilst).
“Insert finger here.” Later on, “Insert two fingers here.”
No one in their right mind would have such zest whilst selling clam earrings, earrings made from the same metal material as those crumby, made-in-China rings you buy from the gumball machine for 50¢.
Whilst talking to a guy off-screen, he begins his ventriloquist lip-syncing act. Riotous!
Oh, but how I love the lavender picture-in-picture that frames he whilst the close-up of the clam earrings hang on screen. This spring, oh have I longed, and whilst longing, I have looked for thee, and now I have found the ne plus ultra picture-in-picture infomercial where a frivolous guy deals clam shell earrings at DOOR BUSTER prices.
The ultimate highlight of this spot is when the riotous guy demonstrates a ‘how to: insert earrings into your ear.’ I love this guy … come to think, I wouldn’t mind being an infomercial dude who sells clam shell earrings. As a matter of fact, I would probably model myself after this guy. Wow, this guy is really great. I hope he reads this. I wonder how many earrings he sold that day. Thousands.
I’m not entirely clear on what this commercial is supposed to be advertising for, but it sure is offensive. No amount of sentimental banjo playing or smiling black laborers can convince me otherwise.
Confederate Family acknowledges that many other people might feel similarly to me and answers back with the statement, “no matter what they call you, at the end of the day, you’re still just Dad.” Yes, a very racist Dad in a very racist family. Congratulations!
Our next racist ad needs no explanation. If you are not offended by this, there is seriously something wrong with you. Rating: 60 Seconds of Offensive
This lost gem from 1994 is one of those “is this a real product?” commercials that makes you wonder how well they thought the product’s name through. I realize that 1994 was over 15 years ago, but I’m pretty sure the term “boner,” has been used as slang for an erect penis since at least the mid ’80s. How could the Wunder Boner’s creator have not realized this? Or maybe it’s possible that they purposely chose such a silly name as a way to use humor to sell their product.
The ad starts with a simple premise; three friends fishing on a warm summer’s day. One friend seems to be humoring the other two by continuing to hang out with them after becoming a successful businessman while they work to get their high-school equivalency. The two “good-ol’ boys,” are suddenly shocked when their pretentious asshole of a friend willingly offers to clean the day’s catch. This turns into another opportunity for him to condescendingly teach his less fortunate friends something new. Thus, the unveiling of the ‘Wunder Boner.”
As the product is gruesomely demonstrated, one can’t help but think of the word, “Fatality!” from the popular Mortal Kombat video-game series. One friend (whose secret acting weapon is simply tipping his University of Michigan baseball cap before speaking) exclaims “the Wunder Boner!” The other, more portly gentlemen, jokes “my wife would like that.” It’s statements like this which make me think more and more, that whoever wrote the script for this commercial was having a lil’ bit o’ fun with it. The ad ends with the three friends sitting around a campfire, merrily feasting on their perfectly de-boned fish. All parties agree, “the Wunder Boner is a winner.”
First of all, Betty, I’m glad to see you’re still getting work.
This is a stupid ad, but the ease at which the “You’re not yourself when you’re hungry” theme can be replicated means we’ll only being seeing more uncreative garbage coming from whatever crap agency birthed this nightmare. I would have rather watched a 30 second career retrospective on Abe Vigoda and Betty White than this ad.
I’m no advocate of eating healthy, but are we really supposed to believe that a Snickers bar is a good thing to eat when you are so hungry that you are unable to perform?
However, score one for Snickers, as at least they weren’t accused of homophobia for this ad.
The ad is ok, but I have to think that at some point, the kitschy 1980s soundtrack thing will run out of steam.
While I’m handing out advice: Audi, the reason the A3 isn’t flying off showroom floors is because you can’t get a manual transmission and Quattro AWD in the same car. It’s ludicrous. This is your base model car, designed in part to attract the young and affluent to your brand. A brand that is built on Quattro All-Wheel Drive. Your DSG transmission is an amazing toy, but ultimately it’s bullshit. Automatic transmissions are for sorority girls and old people.
Build a stripper with a cool (hounds tooth?) cloth interior, a manual transmission and Quattro. Then, let them choose whether they want a TDI or that sweet 2.0TFSI mill. Price it under $30k. I don’t care if you lose money on every single one.
Then, follow Subaru’s example and stop making front-wheel-drive cars all together. Non of the other luxury/sport manufacturers even do it except for Acura, and fuck Acura.
Well, I suppose that I am the only male in my age demographic who did not recognize this utterly tedious tattooed woman Megan Fox. This, Megan Fox who by the mere posting of semi-nude bathtub photos may slow the gears of our unemployed nation to a halt (from their current crawl.)
(A note to Megan Fox and women: Stop making that pursed-lip face when you pose for photos)
Anyway, a kid’s mom catches him in an act of onanism, and some guy falls off a ladder because of Jessica Rabbit or whatever.
Damn. After all that talk about hating every ad last night, I found another one that I like. My idol, Henry Sun idolizes this guy, Favre. He has a DVD about him. I have to tell you that despite the sports media’s constant massaging of the ol’ pill popper, I like him too. This ad isn’t terribly funny, but it’s cogent, it makes sense. There’s a narrative that illustrates a point about Hyundai’s cars, which continue to improve.
I like National Lampoon’s Vacation even though I did not initially support the nationalization of the lampoon industry. I think ultimately, history showed that it was the wrong decision, but times were hard back then and everyone was on drugs or having orgies while on drugs. Drug orgies.
I’d also like to make a note about how fucking great Chevy Chase was when he was at the top of his game. Very funny, that guy. Anyway. The ad. It’s very good. It illustrates the value proposition for HomeAway and it’s a little pretty funny. THAT IS NOT ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL.
This is a horrible piece of garbage. I don’t expect the members of Kiss to have any shame, and until Willow 2 work is going to be slow in coming for little people actors, so we’ll give them a break. But, as a creative director, how do you let this ad see the light of day?
The “Priceless” MasterCard ads have been running since I was a tiny child and they’re still ok. This “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor” Schtick is so god damned tired already.
Because we are the premiere TV commercial criticism blog on the whole internet, we will be reviewing every damned ad that littered the commercial breaks in this year’s Super Bowl. It would have almost been fair to post video of every ad and then type “Fuck you, advertiser” underneath it. There were some winners, though. Let’s start there.
Remember the Butterfinger ads featuring The Simpsons? Pretty inoffensive, but not great. This ad, Hard Times is just super. It’s heartwarming and Millhouse even makes it a little funny. One question though, Coke couldn’t get Kent Brockman? Who is this new reporter? Hard times indeed.
Thirty Seconds of Heaven
Well, it’s Super Bowl XXXXXXXXVVVVIIIII, which means it’s prime time for shitty commercials; it’s also prime time for corporations to spend absurd amounts of money solely to project a humanistic image, a witty image, an empathetic image, or some sort of image that will win Americans over enough to buy/support their product.
Let’s see how many ‘fucking awesome’ Bud Light commercials will run; let’s see how many Dorito commercials there will be; let’s see how many celebrity-endorsed Pepsi advertisements will run (if Pepsi still has money); and, of course, how many cock-blocking, blue-ball-inducing GoDaddy.com commercials — the commercials that reliably feature Danica Patrick in some sort of lesbian erotic situation, where sexy babes rip off their clothes, only to be cut off with text that says something to the extent of “see the rest of this sexy ad by visiting godaddy.com” — sure, they imply that Danica will dike it out with some bi-curious nympho, but do these brauds ever put out? No way Jose, they’re waaay prude. If you happen to visit godaddy.com to watch the rest of the commercial, this indicates that you’re way too horny.
Moving on, do you hate commercials; do you hate how loud they are and the psychosis they induce? Do you hate commercials enough to blog about them? If so, comment below, and in 15 words or less, explain why you hate commercials enough to blog about them. Be sure to include your primary email address and we will contact you via email asking for a short writing sample.
*This post was written by Chris Tucker, 30 Seconds of Hell guest blogger and star of the Rush Hour trilogy.
Hey! Did you know you that you just a skeleton under all that stupid skin your body wear? Nah? Well, I’m gonna rip your skin off by playin’ a nasty ass highlight reel of the mother f**king Sega Genesis games — games like Helicopter®, Wolf®, Sports®, Football®, Sports®, and motha f**king LING LING®.
Hey! Sega CD is meritorious because it introduced the compact disc into the sphere of gaming; it initiated the epoch of the compact disc; without Sega CD, God neva wouldda created the Sega Saturn — God’s gift to women — Sega Saturn was the best system in the history of the world, because it gave us Virtual Cop 1 and Virtual Cop 2, enough said, you ask your Grandmama, she know, and I’m out!
Now it time for you to geta damn spatula and you just go now a scrape your lil cat fluffy off your bunk-ass walls nah. And you know you betta white wash them walls clean now.
Do you understand the words that are coming-outta-my-mouth?
