I wonder if when he walked away from Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld understood that that show would be his only legacy. Probably not. The Super Bowl Ad for the new Acura NSX was entertaining, but it relied pretty heavily on old Seinfeld gags. What’s crazy about that, is that there is a whole generation of kids that don’t get those jokes. And those kids are only vaguely aware of the existence of Jay Leno.

Also, given the kinds of cars that Leno and Seinfeld collect, I don’t see a place for the free NSX that I hope Honda gave them for doing this ad.

Anyway, not terrible.

UPDATE: I just watched the ad again. What’s the deal with Jerry’s outfit in the beginning of the ad? Polo shirt with an undershirt, under a jacket?

Rating Thirty Seconds of Okay

Clint Eastwood. This exploiting Detroit shit is really getting old. I sure as shit don’t want to hear it from fucking Chrysler.

Not even Wieden Kennedy can make a compelling ad for Chrysler’s aging fleet of shit products.

Rating Thirty Seconds of Hell

reviewed by Mr. Football

Sup twerps, Mr. Football here, and Elton John finally unchained me from my post in the dungeon, so I’m back on my V-Tech laptop chillin’ and writing reviews.

I hate period pieces, period. This pepsi commercial really sucks it to the maxx. Like, gimme some of that Go Daddy body paint hot yayas mamas.

I have a page haircut.

Rating: 30 seconds of hell

The pre-kick spot is called “All for One” and features the iconic theme song from the film Rocky. It has a corporate branding feel as a “thank you” to all the employees and was filmed at the Montgomery, Alabama, facility.

That’s from the Hyundai YouTube channel.

Everything about this ad is boring. I can’t immediately recall an ad in which the theme from Rocky is used, but it somehow seemed overdone. I also love the idea of an automotive designer sitting in a cubicle with a couple of plastic hubcaps.

I guess, if there is anything that’s really interesting it’s that Hyundai can do an about the American Way, and no one bats an eye. American workers, building Korean cars, in Alabama and making a good wage. Some day, Americans will see a Korean car and think, USA USA!

Rating: 30 Seconds of Hell

When I first saw this ad, I have to say it warmed the cockles of my heart. I’d been looking for some equipment that would allow me to kill this dick robot that just moved in to my neighborhood and turn him into a cell phone.  Finally, it looked like a company was going to come through for me. With ad production like this, I knew the company had to be legit.

Of course, the ad turned out to be less than honest. It’s really an ad for a cell phone with a somewhat intriguing and unstable operating system.

With ads like this, you have to wonder if the company that commissioned them has any confidence in their product. I have to conclude that they do not. Do they really think that the average cell phone buyer knows anything about the alphabet soup of features they allude to? I know when I start hearing things like HDMI and 4-G LTE, I feel nothing but dread.

Is it too much to ask that a company just show us the product, describe its merits and let it stand alone? I suppose when you’re peddling a knock-off of another very popular product, the resulting lack of confidence could lead you to hire an ad agency more concerned with distracting the viewer from the product than with actually advertising it.

Apple’s ads for the iPhone and iPad are pretentious to the point of being silly, but they show the product, and they show people doing useful things and sometimes neat things with it. And, maybe that’s part of the reason why they control the smart phone market even though most of their competitors sell products that are more technically impressive and carry a lower price point.  (And, don’t try to compare iPhone to the whole universe of smart phone makers who use Android)

Just be fucking honest for once in your shitty lives. (It’s fast. It works and it has a nice camera. It’s way cheaper than an iPhone)

Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell

30 Seconds of Hell is updated daily.

In a world like ours, with television that’s so dirty, it’s nice to see something so clean, so pure, and it’s nice to turn on the TV to find women singing and dancing around the house — such respite from the garrulous garbage commercials that maim our delicate, perm-press, tumble dry-low minds.

I cannot resist singing this jingle around the house. “Stain gone, in the first, first, wash!” If you ever have trouble motivating yourself to leave the house to do laundry at J’s lavandaria, just start singing this jingle. It works, and if you don’t believe me, call 1-800-555-1212, and we’ll give you a gift card.

Honestly, I watch this commercial over, and over, and over. Clearly this commercial is shamelessly targeting the female demographic, but still, it really softens my fabricate.

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven

This ad is kind of a death-match between two of America’s most beloved and treasured industries: Tobacco and Pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately, the genteel voices of the American tobacco industry can no longer be heard on our airwaves because some brilliant,impartial people in our government once looked at TV and said, “You know what’s wrong with TV? A percentage of the ads encourage people to smoke, which may be dangerous. We should get rid of the smoking ads, and then TV will be pristine again, and no one will smoke.” Another great side benefit of having a government that is run by the very lowest class of functioning white-collar people is that our pharmaceutical industry is very well regulated. Well, not “well-regulated” in the sense that you, as a layman, might think of it, but well regulated in the sense that Federal regulators mean it. Well-regulated in the sense that banks and other financial institutions are well-regulated. Meaning of course,  that they can do more or less whatever they want BUT there are going to be some MOTHERFUCKING DISCLAIMERS ON THAT SHIT so that the consumer will be at least sort-of aware of the innumerable ways that the pill or whatever will probably fuck their lives. So, when you’re sitting in a too-small bathtub filled with warm water and most of your blood, you can look down at your forearms and say to yourself “Man, that ad wasn’t kidding when they warned me about the suicidal thoughts and actions that might be caused by these pills.”Though you can’t really blame Pfizer here. For a lot of people, quitting smoking is hard. Pfizer said (to the American consumer) “Hey, listen, we can make you a pill that will help you quit smoking BUT THERE ARE ABOUT 40 DIFFERENT WAYS IT CAN FUCK YOUR LIFE.” They go to great lengths to mention all of them, it takes up two-thirds of a very long ad. But the consumer says, “Holy shit, a pill that will help me quit smoking! Sign me up.”

But, I digress. This is a really nice ad. Either Lisa is a great actress playing a real person or a real person. Whichever the case, Lisa seems genuine and believable, despite the choppy editing. In reality I imagine that Lisa is a real person, and that she sat on that couch talking for about 4 hours so that some poor sap could sit staring at a monitor for about 8 hours and stitch together a pretty coherent monologue.I give it an A+ because it made me want to try smoking, so that I could get some Chantix and have super-vivid dreams.

Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hyper-vivid Heaven

reviewed by Kim Jung ill ation

DOritos have very spicy flavor, and we’re partiers over here in the big NK, in the big easy new order, them by the crate from Mexico City. We can’t stop snacking. I to eat them hot N’ spicy in bed. After that, jump on in the club.

THis is one of my country favourite commercial. There are innumerable funny thing about commercial.

ILLATIONS:

(1) The Hollywood of USA is no longer creative because they remake Straw Dogs and are remake Suspiria. What happened to original creativity? All gone? More money? All gone?

(2) Pug bog have small smooosh face and therefore you think the dog will hit the glass and smoosh face more!

(3) The guy antagonizing the dog obviously is cyborg with his settings set on “vacuous nincompoop with poop on the inside.” Guy’ name is Poop Dude.

(4) Who let the dogs out?

Rating: 30 seconds of hell.

WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.

Picture Review:

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven