Hi, I’m here to talk to you about money. Look at me — I’m walking around a beautfiul desert landscape, talking about making money, and tell you that, “the American dream is gone and it ain’t coming back.” During shooting breaks, the production team drank fruit punch and ate edible panties — over 10 boxes of edible panties —boy, our dogs were tired after that day of shooting.
Luckily, we had some nice and dandy unpaid commerical actors providing testimonies regarding our unscucessful scheme program that since has folded. Footage of these unpaid commerical actors gave us something to cut away to, because I (i’m in the cowboy hat) cut my shooting schedule short — frankly, I ate too many gosh darn edible panties. Then our unpaid production assistants and our unpaid interns ran to the store to buy more edibile panties. What were they thinking? More edible panties? Those damn unpaid interns and production assistants should know better; they know I can’t stop eating edible panties.
Get a load of this: after production ended, my unpaid producer hauls in this box filled with receipts to me, receipts from the unpaid interns and production assistants, askin’ I be reimbersin’ for their takin’ kindly to my edible panty-fixin’-hankerin’. Now I’m a straight shooter and I tell ‘em how it tis: “You’re unpaid! Christ, you knew you’re going to be unpaid at the darn time you signed your unpaid contract. Were you expecting a for-hire opportunity after production? Don’t make me laugh. Christ, I ain’t ‘embersing you for the edible panties. I don’t care what you do on your tax returns. Cook the books or something. Write it off as a gift! Leave me alone, I want to play with my toys in my office.”
Wow-wee. Production was something else. My dogs were killin’ after production.
Sometimes you need to take a break from television commercial reviews, simply because you are overwhelmed by how much you love to be sick by television.
This lost gem from 1994 is one of those “is this a real product?” commercials that makes you wonder how well they thought the product’s name through. I realize that 1994 was over 15 years ago, but I’m pretty sure the term “boner,” has been used as slang for an erect penis since at least the mid ’80s. How could the Wunder Boner’s creator have not realized this? Or maybe it’s possible that they purposely chose such a silly name as a way to use humor to sell their product.
The ad starts with a simple premise; three friends fishing on a warm summer’s day. One friend seems to be humoring the other two by continuing to hang out with them after becoming a successful businessman while they work to get their high-school equivalency. The two “good-ol’ boys,” are suddenly shocked when their pretentious asshole of a friend willingly offers to clean the day’s catch. This turns into another opportunity for him to condescendingly teach his less fortunate friends something new. Thus, the unveiling of the ‘Wunder Boner.”
As the product is gruesomely demonstrated, one can’t help but think of the word, “Fatality!” from the popular Mortal Kombat video-game series. One friend (whose secret acting weapon is simply tipping his University of Michigan baseball cap before speaking) exclaims “the Wunder Boner!” The other, more portly gentlemen, jokes “my wife would like that.” It’s statements like this which make me think more and more, that whoever wrote the script for this commercial was having a lil’ bit o’ fun with it. The ad ends with the three friends sitting around a campfire, merrily feasting on their perfectly de-boned fish. All parties agree, “the Wunder Boner is a winner.”
