by Mr. Football

Well team, football season is over and this super bowl fan had an awesome time. Mr. Football is going into hibernation. Until next year, this is Mr. Football saying good night and good pizza.

This video is freakin’ awesome.

Excuse me, I have some work to do.

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven

by Mr. Football

Now just because my name is Mr. Football does not mean that the team did not call me Mr. Pizza during my Freshman year. I ATE SO MUCH PIZZA, I HAD TO GEAR UP FOR TRAINING CAMP. Coach said ate pizza and lots of it. What are you looking at? You gotta problemo, Paco? What chaco? U looking at me?

Football > your geek club

Anyway, these GoDaddy commercials are awesome. I mean, I often call my pizza lunch awesome and I usually awesome is the only adjective I use to describe anything life has to offer.

WAH WOOMBA. AY PAPPY, CHECK OUT THE JONGAS ON THE HOT MAMMA. Some serious tigs, y-ell-o, operating, please connect me to those awesome rack of congas. Seriously, I’m stoked. I GOT A FEELING THAT TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A GOOD NIGHT.

Wowee. Some serious bazookas and daddy wants it and daddy needs it. WAH WOOMBA. AY AY, AY AY PAPPY, me bad a bad boy. Give me spankings — after practice, of course. AY AY hot bazooka momma come watch me practice and thereafter we can get jiggy in the hot tub and buy some freakin awesome domain names using only your JONGAS. HOT HOT, 911 WARNING: VERY HOT YA-YAS.

Rating: 30 seconds of awesome.

… through this hell. Raise your vibration to a different frequency to transcend these crumby commercials. Gotta get that boom boom boom

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

We’ve uploaded several free football clip art images for you. To download any of the clipart, simply click on the image you want, then right click, and “Save Image As” to your computer. Downloading our football clipart is as easy as that. Enjoy.

This commercial is low fidelity — no excuses — this kid is speaking martian.

Some say, in the late ’80s and early ’90s, that Nerf was a government subsidiary with a mission to mint condition the minds of children for an oncoming intergalactic war with “unknown and unseen ‘invaders.’”

After many botched theories, the U.S. Government concluded that Nerf Corporation would move forward by, “just selling toys, packaged in radical and booger-ish boxes, with GPS tracking chips implanted”; notwithstanding, this video speaks martian, in plain broken english.

Rating: 30 Seconds of Hell

*This post was written by Chris Tucker, 30 Seconds of Hell guest blogger and star of the Rush Hour trilogy.

Hey! Did you know you that you just a skeleton under all that stupid skin your body wear? Nah? Well, I’m gonna rip your skin off by playin’ a nasty ass highlight reel of the mother f**king Sega Genesis games — games like Helicopter®, Wolf®, Sports®, Football®, Sports®, and motha f**king LING LING®.

Hey! Sega CD is meritorious because it introduced the compact disc into the sphere of gaming; it initiated the epoch of the compact disc; without Sega CD, God neva wouldda created the Sega Saturn — God’s gift to women — Sega Saturn was the best system in the history of the world, because it gave us Virtual Cop 1 and Virtual Cop 2, enough said, you ask your Grandmama, she know, and I’m out!

Now it time for you to geta damn spatula and you just go now a scrape your lil cat fluffy off your bunk-ass walls nah. And you know you betta white wash them walls clean now.

Do you understand the words that are coming-outta-my-mouth?

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven

Ok, here’s our first ad. Weirdly enough, I like it. It’s basically Peyton Manning and Mastercard making fun of how horrible and boring our work-a-day lives are. Because I know how horrible and boring my work-a-day life is, I can kind of relax and take in the spectacle of this billionaire man-child cheering for losers who in many cases appear at least slightly more successful than me.