reviewed by Comrade Teargaskov

Your humble comrade watched this video advertisement first on the screen of an iPhone 4. On that tiny screen, it was hard to discern whether I was looking at the real royal family or what I realized very quickly were some unconvincing simulacra.

For less than a few seconds, I wondered to myself whether the cool, accessible young royals had deemed it cool and accessible to shoot a fun video in advance of their wedding. I gave real consideration to the possibility that they had decided that since it was going to be a media circus, why not have a little cool, accessible fun?

As western democracy continues a decline so gentle and slow that it is almost unremarkable, I start to wonder whether we would be better off if the royals weren’t some fairy tale but real rulers instead. I for one would certainly prefer a world where I could not imagine for even a second that they had sold their dignity to T-Mobile.

To those of you who clicked on our link because you thought it was the full video of the wedding ceremony, I offer my apologies and a genuine welcome to Thirty Seconds of Hell. I’m here occasionally, ripping off Ken Layne.

Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell

by Mr. Football

Well team, football season is over and this super bowl fan had an awesome time. Mr. Football is going into hibernation. Until next year, this is Mr. Football saying good night and good pizza.

This video is freakin’ awesome.

Excuse me, I have some work to do.

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven

Especially if you own a Mercedes Benz. Who cares if your wife is cheating on you? You’re cheating on her too. With the magic of all-wheel drive, you can fuck whoever, you know?

Anyway, this is clever in a kind of “Gift of the Magi” way, even if it does suggest that our society is just about as morally bankrupt as everyone already knows it is. Yep, just a couple of people cheating on their spouses, which TV viewer, is exactly what you should aspire to do, drive a big car and fuck someone who isn’t your wife.

Oh well, 30 Seconds of Heaven.

This ad examines the thoughts that go through the minds of many girls in this situation; “why put something in your mouth if it is not going to have the same refreshing qualities of a shaken up bottle of Sprite?”  Honestly I was a little taken aback by this ad, as it seemed a little too racy, even for a sexually liberated country like Germany.  But then, I guess that explains why it was banned.