This ad is kind of a death-match between two of America’s most beloved and treasured industries: Tobacco and Pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately, the genteel voices of the American tobacco industry can no longer be heard on our airwaves because some brilliant,impartial people in our government once looked at TV and said, “You know what’s wrong with TV? A percentage of the ads encourage people to smoke, which may be dangerous. We should get rid of the smoking ads, and then TV will be pristine again, and no one will smoke.” Another great side benefit of having a government that is run by the very lowest class of functioning white-collar people is that our pharmaceutical industry is very well regulated. Well, not “well-regulated” in the sense that you, as a layman, might think of it, but well regulated in the sense that Federal regulators mean it. Well-regulated in the sense that banks and other financial institutions are well-regulated. Meaning of course,  that they can do more or less whatever they want BUT there are going to be some MOTHERFUCKING DISCLAIMERS ON THAT SHIT so that the consumer will be at least sort-of aware of the innumerable ways that the pill or whatever will probably fuck their lives. So, when you’re sitting in a too-small bathtub filled with warm water and most of your blood, you can look down at your forearms and say to yourself “Man, that ad wasn’t kidding when they warned me about the suicidal thoughts and actions that might be caused by these pills.”Though you can’t really blame Pfizer here. For a lot of people, quitting smoking is hard. Pfizer said (to the American consumer) “Hey, listen, we can make you a pill that will help you quit smoking BUT THERE ARE ABOUT 40 DIFFERENT WAYS IT CAN FUCK YOUR LIFE.” They go to great lengths to mention all of them, it takes up two-thirds of a very long ad. But the consumer says, “Holy shit, a pill that will help me quit smoking! Sign me up.”

But, I digress. This is a really nice ad. Either Lisa is a great actress playing a real person or a real person. Whichever the case, Lisa seems genuine and believable, despite the choppy editing. In reality I imagine that Lisa is a real person, and that she sat on that couch talking for about 4 hours so that some poor sap could sit staring at a monitor for about 8 hours and stitch together a pretty coherent monologue.I give it an A+ because it made me want to try smoking, so that I could get some Chantix and have super-vivid dreams.

Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hyper-vivid Heaven

Correct me if I’m wrong, but this ad from 1982 was aired right around that time that AIDS (the disease) was becoming a global crisis.  I’m not sure how they didn’t see this as the “worst possible name for a diet pill,” at the time.  That’s like naming a tobacco product canzer.

Rating:  30 seconds of whoopsies

You took too much, man, you took too much, too much. There is a song that sums up this review:

Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven

This brilliant commercial used to run between every commercial break during the 2007 NBA playoffs. This guy knows how to save the day, and save his friend’s ass, by bringing the hors d’oeuvres to the party, and boy does he bring it big time with the double quarter pounder (with cheese). He uses common sense: Who doesn’t want to eat cheeseburgers whilst watching the big game? After that, they had the best time at his party.

MaaacDonald’s knows how to connect with America’s young adults.

It’s game time, baby, come on now.

With cheese.