Wieden + Kennedy. This campaign has been running since the Fax-Machine Era. It’s still funny most of the time. Wally should have received an EMMY or a 30 Seconds of Hell Awardy Award for his acting here. Disappointed, dejected, heartbroken. We’ve been there, pal. And, fuck the Yankees and the Red Sox.
Rating: 30 Seconds of Heaven
Well, holy hell. If there’s one thing the teabagging masses love it’s people dressed in colonial garb. If there’s another thing, it’s furries dressed in colonial garb. Rick Barber is flirting with Tea Party perfection here, especially since he’s ignoring some rather notable historical facts. He almost seems like he’s doing it on purpose.
Take it away Dave Weigel
He appeals to Washington as the owner of a distillery who “knows how tough it is to run a small business without a tyrannical government on your back.” But President Washington presided over, and approved, the first tax levied by the federal government — the 1791 whiskey tax. When the tax met resistance, he approved the assembling of militias to enforce the law and mobilization of agents to collect the revenue. So the Barber daydream of Washington angrily ordering a “gathering of armies” to oppose a tax is… well, entertaining, I guess
Anyway, with Tim James and Dale Peterson inexplicably losing their primaries, this Rick Barber J-hole will be supplying more than his share of idiot theatrics for the rest of the cycle.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell
I’ve been giving Chrysler a lot of shit lately so I’ve been trying to find a new ad of theirs that I don’t dislike. Well here it is. I googled for about 20 seconds and couldn’t find the company that produced this spot. Whoever it is, it is obvious they’ve been keeping their eyes on A Continuous Lean
It is interesting however, that Chrysler waited until they were disowned by the Germans and adopted by the Italians to get all jingoistic.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Heaven
What can we say about this “new classic” that hasn’t already been said? The weird thing is that it does actually give me the willies toward the end. Real, genuine goosebumps and not goosebumps in name only. (GINOs)
Rating:30 seconds minutes of hell.
Here’s a fun one. This Willie Horton ad is a classic. Notice how the words “Kidnapping”, “Stabbing”, and “Raping” appear on the screen. Michael Dukakis personally let Willie out of his cell. Willie kept saying “Mike, I cannot wait to get out of this jail cell so that I can commence with the rapin’” and Dukakis was like, “Hold your horses, we’ll get you out on the streets in no time. God George HW Bush would totally kick my ass if he knew I was doing this, haw haw, gimme some more blow (COCAINE), haw, haw.”
The ad played a significant role in getting Bush elected. Dukakis is the president of his cell block in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
And that is why we won the first Gulf War so decisively. And then Ross Perot.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Heaven
Agency: Wieden+Kennedy (!?)
I can’t remember the last time I saw a Chrysler ad or product that wasn’t horrible. With this new spot from the venerable Wieden + Kennedy, they have reached a new low. It’s 2 minutes of just totally incomprehensible bullshit.
I really hope Fiat can turn this ship around and sell some Alfa Romeos in process.
Chrysler used to make this, now they specialize in making me want to vomit.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell
So, your ol’ pal Comrade Teargaskov’s been away for a while. Yep, fightin’ in them culture wars has taken me away from the ‘puter for a spell, but I’m back.
One of our chief allies in this here war, and it is a war mind you, is Dale Peterson. He’s old school conservatism mixed with the quick cuts popularized by the Music Television in the 1980s. He has a gun and he has a plan for Alabama. Elect this fella. Facebook.
Thanks to Wonkette for tipping me off to this wonderful ad.
NOTE: THIS AD IS SO GOOD THAT IT MAY BE WIDER THAN OUR THEME ALLOWS IN SOME BROWSERS. DEAL WITH IT, HIPPIE.
Thirty Seconds of Heaven!
First of all, Betty, I’m glad to see you’re still getting work.
This is a stupid ad, but the ease at which the “You’re not yourself when you’re hungry” theme can be replicated means we’ll only being seeing more uncreative garbage coming from whatever crap agency birthed this nightmare. I would have rather watched a 30 second career retrospective on Abe Vigoda and Betty White than this ad.
I’m no advocate of eating healthy, but are we really supposed to believe that a Snickers bar is a good thing to eat when you are so hungry that you are unable to perform?
However, score one for Snickers, as at least they weren’t accused of homophobia for this ad.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell
I like Audi. I don’t love them, but they’re okay by me. I think it was pretty brave for them to make fun of environmentalists, even though it was pretty tame. And the “Green Police” to Nazi connection isn’t as big of a deal as it’s being made out to be.
The ad is ok, but I have to think that at some point, the kitschy 1980s soundtrack thing will run out of steam.
While I’m handing out advice: Audi, the reason the A3 isn’t flying off showroom floors is because you can’t get a manual transmission and Quattro AWD in the same car. It’s ludicrous. This is your base model car, designed in part to attract the young and affluent to your brand. A brand that is built on Quattro All-Wheel Drive. Your DSG transmission is an amazing toy, but ultimately it’s bullshit. Automatic transmissions are for sorority girls and old people.
Build a stripper with a cool (hounds tooth?) cloth interior, a manual transmission and Quattro. Then, let them choose whether they want a TDI or that sweet 2.0TFSI mill. Price it under $30k. I don’t care if you lose money on every single one.
Then, follow Subaru’s example and stop making front-wheel-drive cars all together. Non of the other luxury/sport manufacturers even do it except for Acura, and fuck Acura.
Rating Thirty Seconds of Heaven?
Well, I suppose that I am the only male in my age demographic who did not recognize this utterly tedious tattooed woman Megan Fox. This, Megan Fox who by the mere posting of semi-nude bathtub photos may slow the gears of our unemployed nation to a halt (from their current crawl.)
(A note to Megan Fox and women: Stop making that pursed-lip face when you pose for photos)
Anyway, a kid’s mom catches him in an act of onanism, and some guy falls off a ladder because of Jessica Rabbit or whatever.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell
Damn. After all that talk about hating every ad last night, I found another one that I like. My idol, Henry Sun idolizes this guy, Favre. He has a DVD about him. I have to tell you that despite the sports media’s constant massaging of the ol’ pill popper, I like him too. This ad isn’t terribly funny, but it’s cogent, it makes sense. There’s a narrative that illustrates a point about Hyundai’s cars, which continue to improve.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Vicodin Heaven
I like National Lampoon’s Vacation even though I did not initially support the nationalization of the lampoon industry. I think ultimately, history showed that it was the wrong decision, but times were hard back then and everyone was on drugs or having orgies while on drugs. Drug orgies.
I’d also like to make a note about how fucking great Chevy Chase was when he was at the top of his game. Very funny, that guy. Anyway. The ad. It’s very good. It illustrates the value proposition for HomeAway and it’s a little pretty funny. THAT IS NOT ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL.
Thirty Seconds of Nostalgic Heaven
This is a horrible piece of garbage. I don’t expect the members of Kiss to have any shame, and until Willow 2 work is going to be slow in coming for little people actors, so we’ll give them a break. But, as a creative director, how do you let this ad see the light of day?
The “Priceless” MasterCard ads have been running since I was a tiny child and they’re still ok. This “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor” Schtick is so god damned tired already.
Thirty Seconds of Hell
Because we are the premiere TV commercial criticism blog on the whole internet, we will be reviewing every damned ad that littered the commercial breaks in this year’s Super Bowl. It would have almost been fair to post video of every ad and then type “Fuck you, advertiser” underneath it. There were some winners, though. Let’s start there.
Remember the Butterfinger ads featuring The Simpsons? Pretty inoffensive, but not great. This ad, Hard Times is just super. It’s heartwarming and Millhouse even makes it a little funny. One question though, Coke couldn’t get Kent Brockman? Who is this new reporter? Hard times indeed.
Thirty Seconds of Heaven
Agency: 401- Directed by Michael Downing
Our legions of avid readers may find it surprising that I don’t watch television. I don’t even have cable. On Christmas day I watched several hours of a Mythbusters marathon on the Discovery Channel with my brother, Patch Adams. It was during that 6 hours of that I caught this gem. The ad made it’s debut during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which, as far as an ad buy is concerned, is roughly equivalent to buying a banner ad on this site. (NO ONE WILL SEE IT, EVER)
Anyway. Paste. The ad is very good and it’s funny. But, not so funny that you forget what it’s about. This guy, Michael Downing understands comedic timing. It isn’t easy to get a laugh (or smirk) in 30 seconds or less but he does it here. Also, consider the task of making a funny ad that also conveys something about socks.
As a CHRISTMAS BONUS, check out the ad he did for The Loyola Marymount University Basketball squadron. (I would link to the 401 website where he showcases his other work, but it is terrible. )
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Heaven
Well, let’s see here. Cute effective ad, maybe. But, I have been drinking so fuck them and their happiness and their markers. Time to stop the wailing every time someone dies. Stiff upper lip.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of Hell
Das Committee, Hamburg
I spent quite a bit of time trying to make sure this was a real ad. It is, and it is truly horrifying. I usually find comedy that mocks Nazism to be pretty funny. But for some reason, I can barely make it through the whole ad.
The agency has claimed that they were trying to give the virus a face, and that it couldn’t be a pretty face. I can understand that line of reasoning. However, the tagline at the end says: “Aids is a mass murderer.”
That’s true, but since you can’t have sex with AIDS, is the ad is implying that people with AIDS are mass murderers, like Hitler? Or is it that having unprotected sex is like having sex with Hitler? It’s a tough leap to make. Maybe I’m taking it too literally, but I don’t get it.
On a side note to Der Fuhrer, whatever move/line you used to pick up that very attractive young woman must be pretty impressive, given your reputation as a bit of an asshole.
Rating: Thirty Seconds of (my actual) Hell, watching Hitler get with attractive women while I sit in front of my damned computer.
